by Marie Davis
Depending on your satisfaction with your relationship status, February – well, more specifically Valentine’s Day – has the potential to bring up all the feels. Your newsfeed will be filled with posted pics and statuses about people they love, OMG love (!), luv, and luuurve.
What will Valentine’s Day bring up in you? Are you single and absolutely loving it? Perhaps you’re single and over it and looking for the real deal? Or maybe you’re fine with being single, but it has been a while since someone serviced your…needs…properly. Over the next few weeks, I will throw in my two cents on the potentially ethical dilemma when it comes to the casting of love spells.
The pros and sometimes hilarious cons, the right way, the stalker wrong way, along with some spells that I have actually done and have actually worked, plus the experiences that myself and some of my wiccan brethren have had when it comes to the casting of love spells.
Let us start by first addressing the potential ethical dilemma, shall we?
Is it wrong to make someone fall in love with you?
The short answer is yes. It is wrong to make someone in specific fall in love with you. But we’re perfect! He just doesn’t know it yet! – If only she could see how amazing I am, she’ll realize we were meant to be together! and the other clichés you see in rom.coms. And hey, you might know someone who knows someone, who went to someone who posted a link on Village Voice and got the guy/gal of his or her dreams through a spell they cast. I mean anything is technically possible. But, that is the exception, not the rule and 99.999% of us ARE the rule, even in witchcraft.
Because chances are, if you have already introduced yourself to the person you are crushing on (in a non creepy manner) and they still aren’t digging your awesomeness, then most likely for whatever reason, it wasn’t meant to be and your best bet is to let it go and move on. This is coming from me, the gal who spent an embarrassing amount of time living in the cul-de-sac of Single and Hating It, just a sharp right off of Getting Rejected Daily By Dudes I Like Ave.
So in that sense, I feel you. You might really like this person, but you might be a little on the socially awkward or socially impatient side, so you turn to magic for a little nod in the help department. Well here is how it turned out for me when I was living in that headspace:
He was tall dark and awesome. Caramel-complected, greenish bluish eyes and a voice like Vin Diesel. He was smooth talking, assertive and seriously confident. At that particular time in my life, I was really insecure and a late bloomer when it came to the how exude and navigate my sexuality in a way that was empowering and fun for me. Needless to say, after that one hot night, I was sprung, totally absolutely dickmatized¹. Like checking my phone to make sure it was still working when I didn’t get a text back from him after ten minutes sprung. The first spell I did, was the Call Me Spell. I thought if he would just call me, the amazing chemistry between us (which in hindsight, we never had) would take over and I would finally nab myself a super hot boyfriend!
Did it work? Yes. It worked. He called. A lot. As in, every other day. But he never called to say, “Hey, I really like you, let’s grab some dinner on Friday.” He only called with that husky voice that drove me crazy to say, “Hey. What are you doing tonight?”
We all know what that really means. What eventually happened was that I got sick of being the in-by-late-night and out-the-door-by-sunrise girl and ended it.
And also, he had to move to Florida.
But what that spell taught me was that the outcome that you are trying to manifest, might actually happen. But. Will it necessarily be good for you? Will it be what you actually want? I mean, sure, I cast a Call Me spell and he called. Check. But did I want him to call after 10:30pm with nothing but carnal desires on the brain? Ok, well maybe the first two times it was cool but the main feel that I was feeling was how much I liked this guy and how I wanted him to like me back!
The reason why casting a love spell on a specific person usually backfires is because you are trying to exert direct control and manipulation over someone else’s free will and emotions. What then usually happens, is that you get an intense reaction based solely off the energy level of your intended. In other words, a Call Me Spell done on a guy who really just wanted to f*ck me, resulted in me getting lots of phone calls, about how much and how long and how intense and all the other things that will probably be in the “50 Shades of Grey” movie that he wanted to do to me. But maybe you read that story and just kind of rolled your eyes at that one.
Here’s another one:
This comes from one of my favorite teachers, a High Priestess and all around awesome lady who practices Hoodoo. She had someone in her coven that really was into some guy. Like big time.
Homeboy had an alter with candles, flowers, the favorite foods of, pictures and even some strands of the hair of his beloved. He would pray to this alter every night for the guy to return his affections. Blood was involved. He wanted to be with this man forever, no matter what, he was sure of it. A moon cycle later, these two finally started dating. For another moon cycle, they had a great relationship. However, the third moon cycle after was when things started to go south. Sadly, unfortunately, the object of this man’s affections was also HIV positive, something that was unknown to the Wiccan spell caster. The caster of the spell contracted the virus and their energies were so darkly tied together, they found themselves in an extremely codependent and emotionally abusive relationship. Yes, this Wiccan technically got the man he wanted and for a little bit everything was great between them, but at the end of the day, surrounding yourself with someone’s pictures, candles and hair strands against their will or knowledge is kind of creepy and just not right. And unfortunately, he now has a heavy karmic debt to pay.
Sorry to get all Nationwide dead kid on you.
Which leads to my next point. When you try to directly control someone’s free will when it comes to matters of the heart, that’s not actually love. It’s possession. There isn’t any love in possession, it is all egocentric and about having power and control over someone. In this case, energetically what you’re saying is: I DON’T CARE about what you want. I WANT you to be with ME. And when you look at it that way, that is kind of selfish, isn’t it?
Take a breath and let that sit with you for a minute. Ask yourself, how do you like being single? If your throat got tight, and you plastered that tight everything’s-fine-no-not-really smile on you face, this spell might be for you:
MENDING A BROKEN HEART
Use this spell if: You have that one crush, that one boyfriend/girlfriend you just can’t get over. Your friends went from, “We love you, we support you,” to “Dude. Enough already, get over it.” Though I joke, a broken heart or even a bruised heart is no easy thing to get over. This spell is one of the tools in your toolbox that you can use when you hit the bottom of the sadness pond and you are actually genuinely ready wade on over to the healing end and get yourself back to the person you used to know.
What you need: 2 orange candles, clove oil*, paper, pen, chalice, (decent looking wine glass or your favorite drinking cup)
(*Can be substituted with self-love/love healing oil, lily of the valley oil, lavender oil or plain ole olive oil.)
When to cast: On a Monday night, during a waning moon.
What to do: Cast your circle; invoke (call upon) your chosen God/Goddess. Check out my earlier postings for a review. I find it helpful to take a couple of breathes to center myself and clear out the other clutter from the day before getting to the actual spell part.
- Anoint the candles with the oil starting from the top going to the bottom in a downward motion only (because you are getting rid of energy you don’t want)
- Put candles side by side 8 inches apart in the center of your circle, light them
- Place you chalice between candles
- Draw a heart in the center of the paper
- Tear the paper in half and think of the pain you want to leave behind
- Put the halves inside the chalice
- Hold the chalice in the air, and then lower as if to drink,
- Whisper why you feel broken hearted and all the negative feelings you want to get rid of (It’s ok to cry and scream and yell obscenities at this point). Do this three times.
- Now turn the chalice upside down and place it between the candles, make sure the paper halves remain in the chalice
The contents in this cup are no longer mine
Go dark memories Scatter far and wide
Into the night
Be gone forevermore
Broken heart mend and love again
With benefits to all, and harm towards none, so mote it be!
- Allow candles to burn as you think about your heart getting stronger,
- Turn the chalice right side up, take the paper halves and fold them
- Close the circle
- Bury the paper in the ground (or nearby park for those living in an apartment)
GROUND YOUR ENERGY (i.e. eat some carbs or nuts, stomp around for a little, put your hands and feet in some dirt or clay and imagine the excess energy going back into the earth)
Extras: If you have a special song or anthem you like to play that makes you feel empowered and super awesome, play it before and after you cast your spell. After the spell, take a nice bath or hot shower, really taking extra time to pamper yourself.
Eat your favorite piece of food after. If you feel the need for it, find a great therapist to help you work through the sadness. Some people also find that throwing away pictures, mementos of the relationship to be a really cathartic experience.
For those who thought, “Well, I’m cool with being single, but it’s been a while since… um…let’s just say I have a personal need to go “50 Shades of Grey…” then this spell is for you:
Use this spell if: You are single and you want to get your serious freak on. You want some really good yet no strings attached sex. You are single, and haven’t gotten any in a really long time. wiser and ready to love again together three times.
DO NOT USE IF: If what you actually really want, is for the sex to turn into something more serious. This spell will not work in that way and you run the risk of getting yourself seriously butt hurt when the fun ends.
What you need: A seven day red candle, your favorite perfume/cologne, your favorite underwear/lingerie, aphrodisiac incense, aphrodisiac oil**, other items that you associate with great sex
(**Can substitute with honey, olive oil, gardenia or jasmine oil)
When to cast: This one works best when you really feel the urge. However, this spell is also pretty effective if cast on a Tuesday (if you like your sex on the more aggressive side), Wednesday (for you sapiosexuals out there) or Friday during a waxing moon phase.
What to do: Cast your circle; invoke (call upon) your chosen God/Goddess.
- Tell the candle exactly what you want (i.e. I want to get laid. NOW).
- Tell the candle exactly what you want in the guy/gal.
- BE SPECIFIC. Now is not the time to be shy or assume the universe will know what you’re talking about. Remember, energy follows the path of least resistance. If you aren’t specific in the qualities you want, you run the risk of ending up with some skeezy rando knocking on your door.
- To give you an idea, when I did this spell, I included: between the age of 27 – 35, healthy, caring, employed, single, attentive, no kids, hygienic, at least 5”8 tall, good looking, intelligent, sensual, nice body, and even some equipment specifications if you get my meaning. The list was longer, but that was a sample to give you the basic idea.
- But whatever you say, make sure you add somewhere that the person practices safe sex and is STD and STI free (if that is a concern for you)
- Tell the candle how you want it. Be graphic. If you end up making yourself horny, that’s a great sign! Put that energy into the candle
- Anoint the candle with the aphrodisiac oil as you are describing what you want and how you want it starting from the bottom going up only (because you are wanting to bring something into your life)
- Write GREAT SEX on the glass in bright red lipstick (if female looking for a male), otherwise, carve GREAT SEX on the actual candle with a pen
- Put other items that you associate with great sex around your candle
- Light the candle
On the eve of this night
By the light of this fire
Ignite my passion ignite my desire
Gracious (insert your chosen Deity here) I ask of thee
Bring to me a worthy (insert gender that you’ll sexually attracted to) who is able to make my sexual fantasies become a reality
Ignite my passion ignite my sexuality ignite my desire
Bring nights of multiple orgasms between us to transpire
With the help of salamanders (some say they are the magical hypnotic energy that exist in fire) I ask of thee, To bring me this night of hot sex immediately
With benefits to all and harm towards none, as I will it, so shall it be done! (This last line assures that everyone is acting out of his or her own free will and that you’ll have a safe good time)
Finally: Close your circle and ground.
Extras: Directly after this spell, a nice hot bubble bath or warm shower is a nice touch. Also, before you get started, if you want, you can carve your name (at the top of the candle) and birth date (on the bottom of the candle) on the candle with a pen, along with the planetary symbol for Mars in the center (if attracted to men) or Venus (if attracted to women) or both if attracted to both in the center of the candle.
After you cast the spell, put on your favorite underwear/lingerie and wear your favorite cologne or perfume. Go out! Flirt with someone who catches your eye! Check your OK Cupid inbox. Maybe that cutie looks like that in real life. This is a spell I actually did and was extremely satisfied.
¹ Dickmatized – Symptoms include: Facebook stalking, obsessive googling, hallucinations and delusional thinking that lead the sufferer to believe that they are in a true genuine and deeply committed relationship, when really, you’re just a live action doll with a pulse.