How to Be Confident Without Being a B-Word

melodyby Melody Bell

In the wake of my friend Jill Abramson’s unceremonious firing from the New York Times last week, much has been written about how difficult it is to be a confident woman in today’s workforce without being considered a b-word. As a female executive myself (I’m the SVP of a boutique digital marketing agency in SoHo) I thought now would be a good time to share my advice for being both confident and likable:

1) Never apologize for your opinions.

2) Provide your team with gluten-free, artisanal baked goods on a daily basis. The way to a person’s heart is through their belly (plus, by injecting these baked goods with nutritional boosters like flax meal, you’ll be improving your employees’ energy and health, which will make them more productive — win/win!).

3) If other executives disagree with your strategic recommendations, but you know you’re right, then they are wrong; tell them so.

4) Buy staff members gifts from Tiffany’s.

5) Offer to walk their dogs, then outsource this to a dog walker (good leaders know when to delegate). Do not, I repeat, do NOT offer to walk their cats. Cats are devil creatures, and do not need to be walked.

6) Every so often, buy everyone a round of drinks.

7) Fire young women who turn every sentence into a question? They need to learn to cut. that. out.

8) Remember birthdays. (Really, how hard is it to put them on your Google calendar?? …by which I mean, of course: How hard is it for your ASSISTANT to put that on your calendar? If he can’t handle this, fire him).

9) Dress to kill. It will cheer people up to see how beautiful you are.

10) Keep your personal savings account at half a million or more; if your boss has a problem with your style, just walk out the door…and on to the next adventure.

Good luck, ladies.

Melody is the creation of Amanda Hirsch, who also wrote a more earnest response to the Abramson affair on her personal blog. Follow Melody on FacebookTumblr and Twitter. Namaste.

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