Sinead v. Miley: The Musical

By Jackie Mori

In case you’ve been holed up without wi-fi or spend all your time on things like the NSA international spying scandal, here’s a recap of the events of this season’s celebrifeud du jour:

Act One: In response to Miley Cyrus’s assertion that Sinead O’Connor inspired her recent “Wrecking Ball” music video, O’Connor sees an opportunity to use that influence to redirect what she perceives as the pop star’s current trajectory towards being the music industry’s next washed-up, worn-down female casualty. In an “open letter” address to Cyrus, O’Connor’s first two paragraphs sum up gist of her message:

“Dear Miley,

I wasn’t going to write this letter, but today I’ve been dodging phone calls from various newspapers who wished me to remark upon your having said in Rolling Stone your ‘Wrecking Ball’ video was designed to be similar to the one for ‘Nothing Compares’… So this is what I need to say… And it is said in the spirit of motherliness and with love.

I am extremely concerned for you that those around you have led you to believe, or encouraged you in your own belief, that it is in any way ‘cool’ to be naked and licking sledgehammers in your videos. It is in fact the case that you will obscure your talent by allowing yourself to be pimped, whether its the music business or yourself doing the pimping.”

Act Two: In which Cyrus responds to the unsolicted advice by comparing O’Connor and her two-year-old tweets seeking help for mental illness to Amanda Bynes, who was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

Act Three:  O’Connor blasts Cyrus’s mockery of mental illness and insists she take down her inflammatory tweet, lest the lawyers get involved. Notable quotes include:

“I am staggered that any 20 yr old woman of the 21st century could behave in such a dangerous and irresponsible manner as to not only send the signal to young women that its ok to act like prostitutes but also to the signal that those who have suffered or do suffer mental health problems are to be mocked and have their opinions invalidated. “

“You could really do with educating yourself, that is if you’re not too busy getting your tits out to read.”

Intermission: Miley tweets: “Sinead. I don’t have time to write you an open letter cause Im hosting & performing on SNL this week,“ followed by “So if youd like to meet up and talk lemme know in your next letter. :)

Act Four: O’Connor is still waiting for an apology with Letter No. 3:

“You can take five minutes today between g- string fuckin’ changes to publicly apologise [sic] and remove your abusive tweets.”

“If you cannot apologize I will have no choice but to bring legal proceedings against you since it is extremely hard to be given work when people think one is suffering from mental illness. “

Act Five: When questioned on The Today Show about the feud, Miley takes an apparent high road:

“I think she’s an awesome songwriter and I was really inspired by her for my ‘Wrecking Ball’ video, which is what started the whole thing. I don’t know how someone can start a fight with somebody that’s saying ‘Hey I really respect you. And I really love what you did.’ ‘You know what? You suck and I don’t like you.’ That was kind of crazy, but like I said, I’m a big fan of hers, so it doesn’t really matter.”

Act Six: O’Connor takes offense to Cyrus’s use of the word “crazy” and reiterates her demand for an apology:

“It would be extremely beneficial for yourself, Amanda and myself and millions of sufferers of mental health issues, that you apologise unconditionally and withdraw your remarks.”

Act Seven: O’Connor writes Cyrus a fifth letter because, why not?

“People die every day because of the type of thing you did. Its not that hard to say sorry. Doing so will save lives.”

Epilogue: Two weeks later, all the open letters to Cyrus had been removed from O’Connor’s website, and the world lives to see another day.



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